Sally Shannon Sez

Digital Death Legacy

Hello Friends on this beautiful Saturday, at least, in SF area.

I just put a new blog onto my RSS feed:

DeathandDigitalLegacy.com

http://www.deathanddigitallegacy.com/about/

The author writes about the online community that many of us are members of - Facebook, Twitter, Linked-in, blogs, and so forth. I follow and comment on blogs that I am very fond of and feel like some of these people are my 'friends.' Facebook vernacular officially uses the word 'friend' as both a noun and verb.

However, none of our social networks helps us deal with the death of members of our digital community. And it doesn't give survivors a way to inform network members of someone's passing. The networks do not give survivors an easy way to close the account.

My first thought - another example of how the Western culture avoids and denies death.

Second - as someone committed to "Conscious Dying" I have an opportunity to bring awareness to my part of the digital world and my baby-boomer cohort.

As my friend would say, "Here's the illustrated version."

My housemate came to me one day, with a stunned looked on her face. "What happened?" I questioned. "Jim's dead. He had a massive heart attack while working at his computer," she replied. Me, "Who's Jim?" She told me that this was a youngish man in his forties whom she had been following and commenting back and forth with on their mutual blogs. My housemate found out he had died when someone else in the same community blogged about it.

Is this how you want your digital community to find out about your death? In addition to an ethical will, a property will, advance directive and epitaph and/or eulogy - do we want to write a "post" or email or "tweet" or all of these, to be posted on our passing? Do you want to include a photo with it? What is the last thing you want to say to people that you contact daily or weekly or at least, regularly?

On this Memorial Day weekend, I am writing a digital announcement to be used when I die.

Blue Jays Are Fledging

The blue jays in my back yard are fledging. For several weeks the babies have been insistently squeaking away in their nest while their parents raid my bird feeder. The parents gorge themselves, storing food in their throats, perching on wires while they tear off seed shells.

But this weekend, I noticed a change. The babies are fledging. They are hopping from branch to branch and making awkward aerobatic flights through the trees. I thought, hmmm, no longer nestlings, not quite full-flight juveniles. They are somewhere in between.

What a generous lesson from nature. I am also “somewhere in between.” In January I had a serious pedestrian accident followed by complicated surgery to repair my smashed tibia and fibula. For 15 weeks I lived with various forms of casts and durable medical equipment. But now I hobble around, sometimes using street shoes, sometimes using an orthopedic boot. Sometimes even going bare footed!

Yet I’m not back to my full-tilt boogie. Not even close. I still regularly need to elevate my foot to reduce the swelling, I sleep with a night splint, and I come down the steps with my right foot sticking out like a turn signal. I can stand for a maximum of 2 hours. But I’m also watering the garden, doing the dishes and using the vacuum cleaner. Who thought it would be a joy to stand at the kitchen counter?

The blue jays are teaching me patience and reminding me that I can’t go from zero to 60 in one minute. Like them, I hop, I hobble, I catch myself. But, I will also fly by the end of the summer!

I'm Back!!!!

Hello Friends,

After a very looooong dry spell, I'm back to blogging. You can look forward to hearing from me about:

• Gardening as Healing
• Clutter, Simple Abundance and Down-sizing
• End of Life Planning - Beyond Advance Directives
• Personal Productivity

And more fun stuff. Blogging has grown by leaps and bounds and I'm grateful for what others have contributed to my life via their blogs. Oh, and a current picture, soon!

My very best,

Sally

Gardening as Healing - Part 2

It’s a hot, sweaty mid-winter day in San Francisco. Between rain storms and fog we get these weather breaks. I am pulling “onion grass”, Scotch Broom seedlings, and crab grass starts in my garden and walkways. It’s the perfect time of the year to do it. The earth is soft and the root systems are simple enough to yield to my tug. The gnats and mosquitoes are buzzing around my head, biting my neck, and getting stuck in my hair. I’m cursing and swatting. Then I remember a talk show on WBUR FM years ago, about gardening.

It was the first time I went “public” with my notions about gardening as healing. I called in to talk about bugs and worms, that they are my reminders that I’m not alone. These critters get eaten by birds, who wake me to a beautiful day with their song or their caw or their cackle. Mourning doves who softly croon to me. Mocking birds in the Bahamas who trick me with their robin and cardinal calls. Birds who also eat fruit, flower and tree seeds; who digest them and excrete them in perfect packages of bird fertilizer. Seeds that start a new growth cycle, sometimes as a tree that someone will someday sit under or climb or wonder at the fall foliage. Or as a wild flower that I examine on my walk to “downtown” Mill Valley. A flower or fruit that someone else will harvest.

The bird that a birder will note and catalogue. That a father will point out to his child, that will became a title for a Beatles song, that will drop a feather for someone to add to their altar of sacred things. That bird, eating the same bug that is annoying, connects me to all this.

The worms, who “know” nothing of community garden plots and their arbitrary boundaries, crawl from my neighbors plot to mine, aerating the soil, depositing castings and “worm tea” - powerful fertilizers. Their tunneling creates waterways for my garden to let in the rain and then drain excess. Tunnels for the plant roots to travel and anchor themselves.

Ah, birds and bugs and worms - I’m never alone in my garden. I am comforted and eased by the solitude and intimacy.

(Thanx, Alicia, for inspiring me to make this post!)

Patriot Player Is Present

I’m watching the Super Bowl (with parity, we no longer have “Stupor” Bowls, lol) and WR Givens of the Patriots makes a stupendous catch for a touchdown (end of 1st half.) He was grounded, centered, present. It’s the only way he could have made that catch.

Earlier in the game, Givens was featured in a little story. Houston, where the Super Bowl was being played, is his home town. During Super Bowl week, with all the hoopla, distraction, pressure, hype, etc., he took time to go to his little brother’s elementary school. He gave a talk, expecting just his brother’s class, but ended up talking to the whole school. He was doing his life, being present to what was going on. That same power is what he brought to that touchdown catch.

Every effort we make, we must be present. Do what has meaning. Like meditation, it’s practice. Practice is not a noun, it’s a verb. We practice and practice being present, in the daily routines and then it’s there for us under pressure, or when we can make a big difference, or when a huge opportunity opens up.

Clutter 1

Most of us wish we had less clutter and more order in our lives. There are many compelling reasons to release clutter. In this series I will be looking at some of those reasons and inviting you to examine your own motives and incentives. Then there’s that resistance thing. Today I will start with the most common complaint or resistance I find in working with organizing - both in my own home/office as well as my organizing clients.

“What if I need it?” or “I’m keeping it just in case.” Sound familiar? How do you work with that one? As I’ve struggled with that resistance I’ve found that:

1. We don’t trust our own resourcefulness. Not only will we find it (on the Internet, at the library, calling content experts…) when we need it, but we will have the most current iteration!

2. If what we need is buried in or hidden by our clutter, what difference will it make if we have it when we need it? We can’t find it. It’s taking up space and wasting our time looking for it.

3. Or even better, we don’t even remember that we have it. Then, as fate would have it, shortly after an event or circumstance or problem, we stumble on something and think - “Now, I could have used that last week/month….”

I also believe that thinking “just in case” in this circumstance is confining. Sure, some things we can count on needing - insurance information, lab reports, warranties, etc. But that thinking doesn’t apply to *all* information, records, etc. It’s limiting, narrowing, somehow. As we look to the future how can we know what we’ll need, where our path will take us? Rather, let us keep a wide angled lens to the future and look for possibilities!

A Reagan Dime???

As my friend, Wendy, would say, "Do you want to see the illustrated version?" Putting Reagan on a dime and removing Roosevelt would represent the way this country is going as far as taking care of its youngest, oldest and most vulnerable citizens. I got this email (below) from a friend of mine who had a sudden and life-threatening stroke. She survived 6 hours of brain surgery and is healing and creating a new life. We call it "The day Scout's brain blew up." What would she be doing without SSI, etc.? If you are inclined, please go to this poll and vote.

"USA Today is running a poll to determine whether Americans want to keep Franklin Delano Roosevelt on the dime, or replace him with Ronald Reagan.... Is this really the end of the New Deal? A foreshadowing of events to come next November?

Voting only takes a few seconds

Saving Money on Prescriptions

“Talk of the Nation” (TOTN) on NPR this week (Tuesday, January 13) had a piece on prescription drugs that inspired me to get the word out. Do you know that pharmacies vary widely on what they charge for the same prescription? In fact, identical Rx’s can vary by as much as $100, depending on where it is filled and purchased! If you, your parent or someone you know pay out of pocket for prescription drug (not a fixed co-pay, but full fee or co-insurance (you pay a percentage of the cost of the drug) may be able to save money. Here’s how.

For a new prescription, call ahead and ask your pharmacy what your Rx will cost. Then price shop. Especially check places like Costco and Sam’s Club. If you find a price cheaper than your regular pharmacy, call your pharmacy and ask them if they can match the price. Most pharmacies will match the lower price.

Even with existing prescriptions, you may be able to negotiate a lower price. One caller on Tuesday’s TOTN called her pharmacy (during the show) about her daughter’s existing prescription and found she could save almost $100 dollars. A small business owner, she has catastrophic medical coverage which doesn’t cover medications.

You don’t need to buy your medications at different pharmacies, bargain hunting. In fact, there is value in working with the same pharmacy, especially if you have a chronic illness. Get to know them, let them get to know you. When you get a new med or a change in a med, point it out to your pharmacist and ask about drug interactions and side effects. But you don’t need sacrifice economy.

Informed medical consumers create quality and economy for themselves, and ultimately, raise the bar for quality of medical care in the whole industry.

Perfectionism & Procrastination

So, I’m watching the New England Patriots playing the Tennessee Titans. A bit of nostalgia. For 25 years I lived in Boston, waiting for them to have a winning season. Finally, when I move to SF, the Patriots start to win…. And the 49ers and Raiders????

But I digress. As I watched the Pats play today, I was struck by the analysis of Tom Brady’s receivers distribution. In the first half he had a list of at least 9 receivers that he had successfully thrown to, most of whom had only one reception. The announcer remarked that there are really no “stars” on the Patriots’ team, just a lot of good players. I would say, team players. Without each player making ongoing “good” efforts, they would not have won today.

It made me think of how often we hesitate because we are afraid we won’t be “great” or maybe, “perfect.” I know it stops me, regularly! And every hesitation is a missed opportunity - to contribute. Maybe we don’t see the big picture, how one action can be an essential factor of a win. But if we play just that ONE play, we may be moving inexplicably toward our own personal win, or the win of one of many communities we are each part of.

And my friends don’t understand why someone as “spiritual” as me watches football….

Back in Boston

Here I sit at the Starbucks in Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA. It used to be the “Coffee Connection.” My best friend’s boyfriend, a wood worker, made the original counter top in the 70’s. But now it looks like every other Starbucks. I lived in Cambridge for 20+ years. This was one of my favorite haunts. I remember meeting Jo here when she told me she was pregnant. Or meeting the man who took me to The Cape to see the horseshoe crabs mating on the full moon. Or working on my resources for my Masters thesis while I nursed a pot of tea. Again I feel the surge of sadness that has snuck up on me over and over on this visit. Tears fill my eyes.

But, I think, I moved away more than 5 years ago! I’ve been back more than 5 times without tears or regrets. I’ve never felt homesick for Boston in my new San Francisco home. I LOVE the Bay Area. Gardening in January, incredible light, quails bobbing across the road, burritos everywhere. Yet here I am, getting bushwhacked by tears, sobbing at times.

Grief, sadness, loss, are experienced when any number of events and forces converge, and not necessarily when they make sense to me. I’m comforted and reassured that I can trust my inner wisdom. I can’t force emotional growth and healing. I can only be present to my inner life. I don’t always have to know what’s there and coax it out. If I stay out of the way, it will eventually find its way out. This is especially true for something as tender as grief.